Love, Trust and Fear - you can't have it all!

My favorite tool in therapy is simply the white board. I am a visual learner and during the course of sessions, I use the board to translate information, break down thoughts and in some instances, work on ideas. For the past few weeks, no matter how many times I erased one such idea (The "Love Triangle), almost every client has brought the "subject" back up in a later session, making its way back onto the board. I have now resorted to drawing it as a hand out for clients to take home but figured it was really worth an ongoing conversation.

Here goes:

"You can not have a truly loving, trusting relationship if you have fear". I draw this as a triangle. Put love at the top. Put fear in the bottom right and trust in the bottom left. Now list the attributes of each: Love = forgiveness, nurturing, acceptance... Fear = rejection, judgement, "leaving me"... Trust = openness, freedom, "I can share anything", safety. Next to each of these, list the behaviors that go along with the emotion. Lastly, examine what you feel in your various relationships and what you DO in your relationships with others. If there is anything in the fear section, you automatically put an X through the line to Love and Trust.

Lesson: Fear blocks us from truly experiencing trust and love.

Simple? Not really. But I guarantee that it will help you evaluate why you can't reach that desired relationship state.